We are not your guru

This article was originally written by Kat Primeau, who was a grief guide with The Grievery 🫶

At The Grievery our “Grief Guides” do not assume the roles of gurus, sages, or experts. We are not an authority. Our purpose is simple: to bear witness and create a supportive space for grieving—nothing more, nothing less.

Rebecca Churt, the founder of The Grievery, emphasized this boundary during our onboarding process. Drawing from her experiences in numerous intentional communities, she understands the importance of consciously creating a space free from spiritual hierachy and dogma. At The Grievery, we cultivate an environment where everyone, including the guides, shares responsibility for nurturing an open and supportive atmosphere for grief. As guides, we create a container to help grief ripen, and otherwise set aside personal agendas, allowing a communal process to unfold organically.

Many of us walked through our own experiences of loss and grief, and these experiences have inspired us to dedicate our life’s work to companioning the dying and grieving. Yet, no amount of learning or living can grant us “mastery” or "authority" over grief. Each new loss brings with it new and uncharted territories, humbling us again and again.

There is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve, no single path. YOU are always the expert on yourself and what feels supportive to you in grief. If anyone suggests otherwise, they are misguiding you. Holding space for people to share their grief is the most soothing balm we can offer one another; interjecting solution may only disrupt what wants to emerge.

It’s natural to feel tempted to hand over the reins and ask someone to “just tell me what to do!” when engulfed by loss. But grief doesn’t work that way, and neither do we.

The river of grief knows where to take us, if only we surrender to its current. A guru, driven by their own methods and direction, may miss the true unfolding of grief’s current. The Grievery offers this space as a practice, to return as often as you need it—tuning to your own current and your own inner knowing. It is in this space that we may find healing in connection with ourselves and others—minute by minute, story by story—no guru required.