How to choose your grief support
We live in a world that keeps grief at arm’s length. It’s something we glimpse from afar, seemingly safely abstract, until the day it smashes through our doors. In that moment, we’re often left scrambling for a lifeline, unsure of where to start or how to navigate the complex layers of loss.
Whether you’re grieving the death of a loved one, navigating a significant life transition, or mourning collective losses like the devastation of the natural world, the kind of grief you’re experiencing—and how recent it is—can shape the type of support you seek. Grief may come in many forms, but its impact is universal.
The Many Faces of Grief
Grief isn’t just emotional. It is deeply multidimensional, touching every corner of our being. You might feel it as a spiritual questioning or a physical ache. It may show up for you cognitively where you leap into endless questions and processing, or in behavioral shifts, like difficulty sleeping or withdrawing from your usual routines.
Grief isn’t one thing; it’s everything.
And the support you choose should be as multidimensional as the grief you’re experiencing—something that meets you on the spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectual, and behavioral planes of your life.
Where to Start?
When considering grief support, ask yourself: do you want to work one-on-one, or would a group setting feel more nourishing? That’s largely a personal preference.
Another consideration is whether you prefer in-person support or virtual options. Both have their strengths: virtual settings offer accessibility and convenience, while in-person gatherings can provide a sense of grounded presence.
Practicalities Matter Too
Logistics aren’t the most emotionally resonant part of grief support, but they’re part of our landscape of reality. Such as cost—some forms of support might be covered by insurance, while others could require out-of-pocket payment. Accessibility and scheduling are equally important. It’s essential to choose resources that fit into your life rather than add additional stress.
What Approach Feels Right?
Grief support isn’t one-size-fits-all. It can take many forms, and the best approach for you depends on your needs, values, and where you are in your grieving process.
Friends and Family: If you have an available circle of care folks may naturally surround you in the aftermath of loss. Know that everyone will do their best to show up and those who can’t, just can’t. It will feel clumsy and awkward, and that’s ok. Showing up is all that’s needed. But at some point you may want to resource yourself beyond this circle of care.
Clinical (i.e. working with a therapist): This is the most commonly sought-after resource, but often is outcome-focused, aimed at addressing personal psychological pain. It may not always address the whole being or collective but can be helpful if you’re seeking structured, goal-oriented support.
Communal: Group-based approaches focus on shared experiences, fostering connection and mutual care. This approach to grief also serves as an antidote to the rugged individualism and privatization of grief inherent in western culture.
Somatic Release: Embodied practices like movement or breathwork can help release grief stored in the body.
Spiritual Connection: Working with ministers or chaplains, ritual guides, or other spiritual practitioners may help you navigate your loss and faith.
Trauma-Informed: This approach is essential if your grief intersects with unresolved trauma, offering a safe, compassionate space to process complex emotions.
The Grievery btw incorporates all of these except the clinical approach. We believe that in the absence of genuine community, a container for grief release is nowhere to be found and by default the individual becomes the container. As an entity of one, you cannot drop into the space in which you can fully let go of the sorrows you carry. In this situation you recycle your grief, moving through it but then pulling it back into your body, unreleased.
The Grievery offers that shared experience of community: a container for you to release your grief.
Other Benefits to Group Grief Support
Restores a sense of community
Gives you practice with mourning openly
Feeling connected to others
Knowing that you're not alone in your grief
Sense of being seen by others
Finding support from others rather than going it alone
Feeling part of a community of care
Creating communities of care isn't just for those in the throes of personal loss. They’re also spaces where we can show up for others, offering care and holding space, creating what is referred to as “concentric circles of care.”
At some point, we all find ourselves moving between those spheres, needing care or giving it. Groups remind us of our shared humanity—they allow us to practice mutual support in ways that one-on-one settings might not.
Grief Isn’t Linear
One of the most challenging truths about grief is that it isn’t linear. There’s no timeline, no checklist, no “right” way to grieve. Healing doesn’t follow a straight path, and to most people’s surprise, it doesn’t take you back to life as it was.
Grief changes you, if you let it.
Naturally as your needs evolve, so too can your support system. Resources that served you early in your grief might feel too restrictive later, and that’s okay. Grieving is an ongoing process that requires flexibility and patience.
Qualities to Look For
Look for someone who has the capacity to sit with you in the muck without trying to rush or fix you. A good support person/group offers a curious and open approach that feels encouraging, never judgmental. Above all, your guide should demonstrate compassionate presence and help you feel safe.
A Practice in Presence
At its heart, grief support is a practice in presence. It’s about learning how to stay with what feels hard without hardening yourself or becoming so consumed that you feel like you’re drowning. It’s not an easy balance to strike, but it is what life asks of us.
And while grief is something we all encounter throughout our lives; you don’t have to face it alone. To quote Francis Weller “inevitably we will be alone much of the time with our grief, and that solitude can be rich, as long as we know we are held somewhere, somehow, by others.”
Surround yourself with resources, supportive community, nature and other beings and practices that bring boundless beauty and joy into your life. Grief may transform you, but it also holds the potential to deepen your connection to yourself, to others, and to the world around you.
